I've discovered that when I notice my spouse's efforts at self-discipline, it motivates him to keep working on his areas of weakness. And while David still doesn't have the keenest fashion sense (it took me a couple years to eradicate the Hawaiian shirts from his wardrobe!), and he may be the world's biggest packrat (he still has his library card from when he was 13 years old, living 4 states away), he's a fabulous cook and gardener. And he's a tender-hearted father. Knowing him well, I get a close-up view of all that's best about David.
Search for significance.
God created us with a deep desire for meaning and significance. David has told me he finds the most meaning in being a father, so I do my best to affirm the good stuff I see going on between him and our kids. I pretend to be "jealous" of the way Julia and Robbie fly out the back door to meet David at the end of his workday, and I fake despair over the way Robbie only wants David to rock him to sleep. The kids know I'm delighted they're so attached to Daddy. I thank David for the time he takes to talk with our kids at bedtime. I encourage him that his investment in their young lives will create a long-lasting closeness between them.
Maybe your husband finds meaning in his job. So show interest in what goes on at his workplace: What challenges does he face, what new projects is he involved in, what goals must he meet? As you understand the specifics, your encouragement can become more specific. You can enter into his enthusiasm over praise from a supervisor or a breakthrough with a difficult coworker.
If you've never talked to your husband about why he thinks God put him in his job and in your family, ask him!
Dare to dream with him.
Is there something your husband always longed to do when you were first married, but he's stopped mentioning it now that you're busy with bills and kids and ministry demands? What's his dream for the future?
In all our years of apartment dwelling, David grew flowers on windowsills and small porches. At garage sales and thrift stores, I'd pick up how-to books on gardening and building greenhouses. We'd lived in our first home about two minutes when he started building a greenhouse in our backyard (even though, in my estimation, there were more pressing projects to tackle). I shut up and prayed he wouldn't spend too much. He didn't—and now I've got bouquets in the house almost year-round.
I'm just glad he only wanted a greenhouse and not a motorcycle (with my vivid imagination, I can't stop visualizing skin on pavement). But my friend, Jane, swallowed any fears she had and encouraged her husband to buy a decent motorcycle, even if it wasn't his dream Harley. She even rides with him!
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