Making a difference, Part II

Even though I didn't want it to, the sun did come up the next morning. I went to the church and worked for a couple hours before I went to see my brother. I wasn't much good to anyone, I was so upset. I was replaying in my head over and over the last three phone calls with Wesley. What I would have said if I had known that he wouldn't have long. I just couldn't stop hearing his voice. 

I talked things over with my Pastor and felt a little relief from the hurt and the guilt. I just prayed for God to help me. I should have done this or that, the what if's filled my head. I had to pull it together because I was on my way to be with my brother. 

I couldn't not fully describe the pain in my heart as I headed up the stairs to find my baby brother curled in a ball crying over the lose of someone he loved so much. I hugged him and he simply hugged me back. He whispered, how they had promised each other they would grow old together and how they were going to be best men for each other, he promised, he promised my brother repeated. That night was hard to handle, as he watched home movies of Wes. In one of them, Wes had stopped acting and looked into the camera and began to tell people what he thought of them. He told my brother Billy, how he loved hanging out and what good friend he was, he called out a couple of people, then he said April, I love you, your cool. I just had to walk away. 

I wasn't cool. I had done so much to encourage the life style he was into. Then when God saved me I walked away. I didn't do much to undo what I had started.  Three weeks ago, I found out he was proud of me for getting out, and now he was dead. 

I was there when my brother said goodbye to his best friend, when he carried his coffin to the grave yard, when he watched him lowered into the earth. I was there as all of Wesley's friends wept tears of pain and hurt over the lose of their friend. I was there on the drive home watching as my baby brother laid in my mothers lap, weeping because he would never again see his friend, hear his voice, or hug his neck. 

What would we do if we could make a difference? If our loose could change a life. If our pain could help someone else. What would we do?